How to Say No: A Foolproof and Fear-proof Guide for Business Owners

When I first became an entrepreneur my father game me a sheet out of his desk calendar that read "Learn to say “no.” It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin." - (Charles H. Spurgeon)  I actually taped it to my mirror and looked at it every day for years.  The more years I've been in business for myself the more I've learned that the quote should be the mantra of anyone in business for themselves, if not for while in general!

The fact of the matter is, as an entrepreneur or small business owner you must learn to say no.  By learning to say no you're in fact giving yourself the ability to say yes to the things that are crucial to your company's success.  Too often we spend our time doing work that is either busy work or unnecessary work, which I equate to work that is not at all in line with our overall mission, priorities and goals.

Why do we do this?  I'd say the top reasons include:

Guilt: We feel guilty or uncomfortable not saying yes and doing the work, giving the advice or setting the boundaries we should set in order to avoid all these moments of "yes". These moments of weakness then find us feeling pressured and "guilted" into taking on tasks and work that are not in line with our personal and professional goals.

Feeling Rushed:  We often find ourselves giving quick answers to requests before thinking them throught and weighing whether or not they are in line with what we want to do and get out of life and work.

Unclear Misison & Goals:  Until you're sure what it is you want to do and the path you must take to get there, you may find yourself saying yes to things that you think will be helpful to you as you strive for success but in the long run end up just sucking away precious life and work minutes.  Don't be too hard on yourself if you've done this before, this is also part of the "growing up process" for business owners.  That said, as with anything, at some point you need to start making decisions as a mature business owner.  To do this you must first be very clear with yourself as to what the "end"  or final goals are for you, so all of your work is done with the end in mind.

Not Enough Practice Saying No:  The more you practice saying know in a professional and polite way, the easier it will become.  Like anything in life, it will be hard and perhaps even awkward the first time, but two of the keys to business success are time management and properly prioritizing and the key to being able to both is often learning when and how to say no.

GOOD NEWS! I'm going to help you begin that journey with a few tips.  I'm excited to share them with you because like many of you, I was very bad at saying no for a very long time.  I can count on my fingers and toes and my fiance's fingers and toes the times I've found myself working late at night or early in the morning or on weekends on things that I should have said no to. 

It was a struggle for me to master this work and life skill and I won't lie, at times it still is, but I forge ahead and keep trying, because the only option is going back to my days as a "yes girl" and let me tell you, being a "yes girl" is so last year.

How to Learn to Say No:

Though I have examples below of two ways I say no on a regular basis, I wanted to give you some thoughts to meditate on that will hopefully help you stay strong in your quest to learn to say no.

• Remember that you are saying no to something that is not in line with the success story that YOU are writing.  That means by saying no to someone you are saying YES to you.

• Learn to reject feelings of guilt in terms of saying no. Anyone who makes you feel bad or guilty about saying no to something that you do not want to do is not someone that will help you in the long or short term personally or professionally.

• Learn to deal with the short term uncomfortable feeling you get.  As my mom (and business mentor) always says: Short Term Pain = Long Term Gain.

• Get excited when opportunities to say no pop up!  Instead of seeing them as painful moments see them as chances to practice this new business skill!

• Be firm: firm is better with everything in life but cheese.  You want firm muscles, firm abs, firm relationships and you want to give firm responses!  Don't be wishy washy when saying no.  Just say it and don't feel the need to explain or give a "gray answer" in the hopes that it sounds better.  If you must explain, make it short and sweet.  For instance: simply state that no, you do not have the time in your schedule or no, you can't do a coffee date to give advice about XYZ because you do XYZ for a living and have to hold fast to only doing in-person meetings or phone calls with clients.

How Sabina Says No to Brainpicking & Free Work Requests:

Fact: I get requests for one type of business advice or another on a daily basis.  Another fact: I honestly wish I could help them all but not only do I work nearly every minute of the day but in my free time I've made a committment to my friends, family and fiance to be present and well, to actually have some free time every week.  Because of this outside of my closest friends and family I simply cannot be a free resource for business advice.  On top of that, it's what I do for a living, so I've had to get pretty good at saying no to people. 

To offer you a little peek into my world I'm going to give you an example of two emails I send to people when they ask for free help/advice/phonecalls/meetings/etc.  Note that at times I do give them a tidbit of advice (I can't help it, it flows from my brain at times) but I do make it clear that I'm saying no to the larger request.

#1 The Long Version

Hi XXX,

I'm so flattered that you've reached out to me for advice/work/etc.  It sounds like you're embarking on quite an exciting new venture and I applaud you for it! I'm actually working as a business coach on a daily basis and help my clients through these same issues and questions, and I'm also the co-founder at Tin Shingle that helps people through these needs on a much larger level.  So while I can't help you one-on-one with your questions via a phone call or email I can point you in the direction of those two options.  Also, if I were you I'd (fill in the blank):

• check out XYZ/I'd be sure you
  
• use social media to get some buzz for your sail
  
• get a membership to IMDB and take to Twitter to hunt celebrities
  
• check out all the amazing benefits of Tin Shingle as I think we can help solve a lot of these issues and answer questions that way

If you'd like to set up a business coaching call let me know!

Have a great day,
Sabina

#2 The Short Version

Hi XXX,

It's Sabina, thanks for the kind email and good for you for pursuing XYZ.  Unfortunately I'm unable to do XYZ but I wish you luck with it all and will stay tuned for your updates on Facebook and your website!

Sincerely,
Sabina

Now go forth and say no! Practice it in small ways and then use it in big ways to help ensure your future success (and sanity)!