Do Friendship & Entrepreneurship Mix: Lessons Learned While Growing a Business

When I first contemplated writing this post it was going to be in the form of an apology to my dearest friends who patiently dealt with "Business Sabina" over the past (nearly) nine years as I navigated the world of launching and running one, and then another small business.  If you haven't done it yourself I can only describe it as falling into a black hole in which time passes at warp speed, and you emerge a few years later wondering where the time went, and at times, where your personal life went as well.  I called my businesses my business babies, explaining to friends that my "children" were keeping me too tied down to emerge from behind the glowing screen of my laptop.  While reflecting on my experience, I decided instead to share my own story along with a case for maintaining a strong personal life (despite whatever you're doing work-wise) along with a bit of a tip sheet to those of you who may be entering the launch process.  In fact, I'd read this and reflect on it if you're already knee-deep in your business as you may be making the same mistakes I did when I neglected those who matter most.  I know it's not always easy to balance personal and professional but perhaps these ideas will help you as they still help me!

I used to think that choosing work over friendship was just how it went as a small business owner.  I will admit that I became slighlty obsessed with my business and its growth (which was natural I suppose) but thinking about some of my one-liners back then makes me shudder:   "I simply do not have time for a personal life or friends" I would lament.  "If I'm leaving my desk it's going to be to make business contacts not to gab with girlfriends."  "Sorry (insert any friend's name here) I'm just too busy to see you this week/month/quarter." I was as unreliable as ever when making plans, I was virtually impossible to get on the phone, and soon those plans were made less and less often.  Fast-forward a few years and I realized that I was not only disconnected from my friends and some of my family more than ever, but I myself had forgotten how good and healthy time with friends sans work talk was.  I needed to give my brain, body and business a break.  And so began my humble return to my true friends who, despite my lack of availability for years welcomed me back with open arms.  (Thank you June, Amanda and others for your patience).

I'm now "back on the wagon" and I make my personal life a priority and I make time with my friends (and other non-work activities) as much of a To Do List item as are my Quickbooks and client billing.  As my mom used to say while we were growing up "If momma isn't happy nobody is happy" and I believe the same goes for business!  If you aren't happy, balanced and personally fulfilled leader your business will never reach its fullest potential.  It's one of the many reasons we are launching a Holistic Business Platform here at Tin Shingle this spring and summer (more on that soon).  The truth is, a one-sided, business-only life turns you into a one-sided business only person. Your mind, body and ultimately your business will suffer!  That said, it can take energy and a conscious effort to do this, but don't worry, I've created some helpful guidelines to remind you why it's important and help you do it!  Feel free to print them out and paste them over your desk, which I'm sure you sit at too often just like I still tend to do from time to time!

THE CASE FOR MAINTAINING A STRONG PERSONAL LIFE

• Think of your personal life/health/mental well being as glass balls, think of your work life as rubber balls. You're always juggling (I hear you) and it's hard.  But if the rubber balls get dropped they will bounce back and all will be well.  When the glass balls break they are very hard to put together again in the same way.  They crack, they shatter, and this impacts the entire juggling process.  You reall need to get this concept.

• Do you great ideas in the shower?  Get ready to have your mind blown in regards to the amazing ideas you'll get when you are hanging out with friends or others who aren't in your direct sphere of work!  Whether from directly talking to them about work or just letting your work thoughts marinate somewhere subconsciously, sometimes the moment your "work brain" rests (just like your body after a hard work-out) amazing solutions and ideas appear.

• Work will not be your bridesmaid or groomsmen at your wedding.  Work will not bring you soup when you are sick.  Work will not hold you when your parents are sick or dying.  Work will not tell you that yes, that outfit does make you look ridiculous.  Work will not love you regardless of what television show you appeared on/how much money you make off a deal/how big a splash your launch made.  And as they say, at the end of it all, nobody on their deathbed says "Man, I wish I networked and worked more".

• Finally, a promise to you:  your work will get BETTER the more you put your personal life at the top of your To Do List!  Since adding things for me to my daily routine, I'm happier, healthier, awesome ideas are popping up like crazy, I snap at peoples less (yes, I do that sometimes), heck I even met the man I'm going to marry after pledging to have more of a personal life.  Magical things happen when you make yourself and your non-work life a priority.  You know what didn't happen?  I didn't lose momentum, I didn't lose clients, I didn't lose ideas and most importantly I didn't lose my mind!

So you're probably wondering, HOW do I manage work AND a personal life?  Here are a few ways I "make it work":

• They say you lose weight and exercise when you make an appointment at the gym and stick to it.  Do the same things with friends.  Schedule it into your weekly calendar like you would a work appointment and do not miss it.  Force yourself to do this, as after a couple weeks of "friend time" it will be a habit you do not want to give up.

• Make a friendship plan!  I'm not kidding.  Kindly, carefully and honestly have a face-to-face (or Skype, or FaceTime) chat with them explaining your crazy work load, your fears as a new (or experienced) business owner and that sure, you may not be as available as you used to, but that you still love and cherish them.  Try to find solutions you can all agree upon because you value them and want to "make your friendship work".

• Honor your friends.  Stop thinking they are expendable, that they will be there for you when you're "ready for them", respect them and value them.  At the end of the day they're always going to be better for your life than clients. Sorry, it's just true!  Imagine your life without them. Imagine what would happen when your work buzz died down and you looked around and were all alone.  Not fun, eh?  Try that every time you plan on standing your friends up for work...

• I personally have a hard time with the "no smartphones or Iphone checking all night when with friends" rule.  So instead, I excuse myself once an hour or half hour and quickly check emails etc.  It's more realistic for me and it prevents me from getting twitchy or distracted when chatting with my friends.

• Open up about work with your friends.  Open up about your needs, ideas, campaigns, struggles, problems.  I'm not saying dominate every night out with YOUR work issues, but you'd be surprised at how an outside perspective can shed light on an inside work issue.  This happens to me all the time! 

• Bring your "civilian friends" to work events when it's appropriate.  When I say appropriate I mean bring them when you're going to be able to give them your attention and have fun with them, not when you're going to be too busy working a room or the actual event (though sometimes it IS fun to let them see you in action, just make sure they have a sidekick of their own there).  I can't tell you how much fun it is to go to work parties with "my girls and guys".  I enjoy them more, I relax and sometimes they are the BEST "work wingmen"!

Finally, embrace the fact that you can't do it all, you won't always do it right and you'll drop balls from time to time.  Just be sure that those glass balls I spoke of earlier are given extra TLC.

Editors note:  Please do this! Even while posting this I was became a little verklempt thinking about how lucky I am to have a strong circle of friends who support me, make me laugh, and love me for me, not my business. I wish you the same!